y am still i struggling with the same issue when i know exactly how to handle, what to do about it. i know clearly it will be a cycle, repeating. and i really want to break this cycle! but doubting whether i can break it with my own strength.

i cant break it just with my own strength. i definitely cant.

i believe all things that i have is given from God. be it things that pple give me, or i buy myself or even money that i have earn. i believe all things that i have comes from God.
when it is yours, it will definitely be yours. no matter how others try to steal and snatch from you, it will still be yours.
If it is not yours, no matter how hard you tried to keep it, have ownership over it, at the end of the day, you will still loose it.
So when God asked if i can give this thing to Him, shouldn't i give it freely to Him? Cos initially is from Him.
So when someone asked to give them, shouldn't i give freely too? Like how it was given to me, freely.

if it is mine, and i have less i will be given even more.
if is not mine, even if i have much, it will be taken away from me.


i have understood, and i have done what i need to do.

ytd when i was on my way to meet Elene, i saw this truck passing by. with this caption on it. " Jesus will take your load for you" .

i thank God that He is a God that express Himself in words. He tells us exactly how much He loves us not only by words, and also by His actions. He showed us His love by His death.
without such expressiveness, i may not fell in love with God. i may not know how much He love and accept me. i may not know that He is always around to hold me when i need it. God's love is extravagant!

i felt super terrible. too stress up by too many things. too much. and is only the second week of sch! part of me called myself to spend more time to study, another part of me call myself to find more time to work. and all the additional things!

somehow forgot that i need to relax. constantly being in a tense mode isn't very good. one of my friend asked me, why am i always very tense? why cant i relax and don't worry too much? i forgot, i didn't know. i just wanted to get things done cos i constantly think that i do not have enough time. everything need to be done quickly and fast. and that the pace. cant stop. so when 1 thing didn't goes smoothly, or extra things that need me to do that will slow down my speed, came in and corrupt my whole "system" i get very affected. how to handle. how to get it done. how to be back on track.

my focus, is always on my situation. i always asked myself, why cant i shift that focus on how God can help me out of the situation. i forgot? too overwhelm by the situation. forgot that God is there watching over me. forgot to depend on God. continuously using my own strength to do things and fix my situation.

i was at a session of poly PEG on Monday evening. the speaker talks about "a journey towards delightful satisfaction" he said that God sometime will bring us to a holy despair, a hopeless point so to fix our eyes on God. and also nothing in your life is ever wasted when you keep your eyes on God. he went on sharing that God will also bring us to a holy dissatisfaction, a holy desperation, a holy dependence, a holy desire, and a holy delight. just to narrow down our focus on God. just to narrow our focus to the only one thing that is require to be done.

thank God, for that session encouraged me. :D

psalm 46:10. be still and know that i am God.
actually also means to sink down and relax.
is time to relax and be still.

6 days into the new year!
didn't manage to have enough rest before school reopen. the last 2 weeks was really super xiong. zzz.

i want to thank God for 2009. every year is a challenge to me. and i know greater challenge are ahead even as i grow older this year( turning 20 in 11 more months!) as maturity means accepting responsibilities which got nothing to do with age. and I'm trying my very best to slowly accepting the fact that i need to take care of my family for my entire life. providing for them and loving them. even if I'm gonna do this all by myself. even when my parents, my sister or brother grows super old, never will i forsake them. just wanted to be prepared. my dad is turning 62 this year. i want to be prepared to take care of him :D hehex.

i really super hope that this 3 months will pass super slow, cos is really not easy to go to a new environment to study. i don't like changes too. i love to be in my comfort zone, in the places that I'm familiar in. and i hate orientation. especially amazing race that will get you familiarize the places.

this Monday, school was really in chaos. Sigh, miss the quiet school with lots of empty seats at the cafe. and i just don't understand why must we do so many wasting time projects! these time can be spend more wisely in studying when exams are in 2 months time! especially pm, is really for the sake of doing. i found no objective, no reason to do that stupid bus stop model! cos i believe that our bus stop in Singapore are near to perfection. so improvement is not really necessary. when teacher will just ask a few questions, take a few photos and call us bring back the model. Hello! we spend the whole day doing that stupid model! all this precious time can be used more wisely! GRR driving me crazy!

poly open house start tml. and i totally got no idea what course to choose. got no passion to study science actually.
anyway, i will lay down all my plans at God's feet and trusting His abundant plans. for He knows my tml.